Tuesday, August 16, 2011
how it goes today
I have been home over 2 weeks from those rollicking, tempestuous and healing 10 days at UCSF Medical Center.
I am breathing God's natural air with my one favorably functional left lung. I take no supplemental oxygen, to which I had been home- and car-tethered in the weeks prior to the July 25th ambulance ride over the Golden Gate Bridge. In ICU at one point I was on 20 liters/minute. They weaned me to two and today I have none but God's!
Over three weeks of severe lower leg edema, attended to in ICU with a massaging compression device I dubbed the "Vibrating Storm Trooper GoGo Boots," has completely healed. My Sunday Night Oikos Group were all over me for that one! Sausage legs found her skinny ankles again. I'm walkin'!
I am slowly learning how to sleep through the night again, often with a little 2am nudge of 10mg. Oxycodone. It helps. I am letting God show me how to artfully rest and not have a personal agenda about what's "good" for me. I'm praying my way through this.
I am taking strong oral steroids in the morning: Dexamethasone. I agreed to this in the hospital as a prayerful investigative protocol. Basically they hijack my mornings with heart palpitations and disorientation. They are purportedly shrinking the tumors. I pray over them and hang on tight. By Noonish I start to feel slightly normal again.
I indulge. One of the hooks (hospitals can sure shrink a gal's consciousness) in being moved from UCSF ICU to "11Long" was being told, "You'll get ice cream". I have been health nut girl for most of my adult life. I got home and didn't tiptoe through the Whole Foods frozen section for organic agave-sweetened num nums. I went straight for the Dryers from the local drug store. Bring on that wheat and dairy! I flopped into a gooey bog of yaaaa sensory gratification. "You can't eat sugar! It feeds cancer cells!" Well. Eff that. Lately easing up because my body is starting to nudge in a more wholesome direction, I loved caving in.... Oh, and don't get me going on DAIRY after 2-1/2 years. Sorry, China Study and casein implications.... Yogurt, cultured cottage cheese, Manchego, Feta salad dressings.... hmmmmmmmm!
An afternoon nap is a glorious God gift.
I continue in clarity about boundaries and unfettered communications. Many beloveds continue to view me as what I call the pre-hospital Diane.... oxygen-deprived, unable to climb stairs, gasping going into the next room. I was given glorious assistance and needed it. Post-UCSF Diane welcomes friends with whom to do things, not so much to do things for me. It's a pretty significant difference. I praise GOD for this! Simply being able to take real showers for the 1st time in five weeks is heavenly.
I'll have my 2nd follow-up appointment this coming Monday back at UCSF, driven in by a friend from St. Paul's. The visiting nurses and other medical personnel from "Sutter VNA and Hospice" come by periodically, as well. I am one of their low-maintenance peeps. I love this.
I give thanks to the LORD. Thank You, o Holy One.