Wednesday, August 3, 2011

gimme sugar and that sweet love of God

Here's my num-num place holder with sweetness visions dancing from years ago as I bounced around Scotland on one of my many succulent journeys there. I'm home from 10 days in the hospital into which I was ambulanced on Sunday, July 24th with five gasping words to each 1/8th breath I'd become used to over the prior slowly shrinking 6 weeks. I spent 6 days in the ICU ward at UCSF Medical Center before being transferred to "11Long" - the cancer ward. If you're sick, go to UCSF. Marin County could not help me any more and in fact their brightest and best seemed to be colluding to scrinch my symptomology into bite-sized neo-fixes which were not helping me in any meaningful manner.

If you can't breathe, you can't move. You can't think. Cognitive function slowly erodes. Your best thinking and praying aren't clear and in fact are muddying themselves a la putting the little froggie in the cold water pot and slowly turning up the heat. If you do it gradually enough, rumor has it that it will cook to death before it realizes it. No drawn butter for me today, by the grace of God, thank You!

I am home. Jim and Jane brought me here via pill bottle pickup at the local ├╝ber-organic Pharmaca and a salad 'n soup Whole Foods run. I sip a soda. I moved the breathing machines (all 4 of 'em) to the sun porch. I will sink into quiet, into ahhh, and share as I am able over the coming whatever bits of time. My fingers dance a happy beat all 10 fingers, lost to me in hospital land with my otherwise extremely able iPhone4 (get one!). Tonight my Sunday night Oikos Beloveds and I break Naan bread at a local Indian restaurant here in Novato. Pile the table high, give thanks, and give thanks again.

Thank You Lord that I am home. Thank You Lord for showing me Home. I crave Your strength today. In Jesus' Holy and Most Blessed Name, Amen.


  1. Thanks be to God for UCSF and for being home! Now as we all pray for your peace as you journey to our 'real' home, may you be filled with God's love and joy! I can't think of any other person I've been privileged to know who has so filled her life with God's love and shared it so unabashedly as you, my dear friend! God has blessed you abundantly, and by extension, all those who love you. Pax...

  2. Home again is always a good feeling. I hope that tomorrow has good weather so you can enjoy some of it. Still praying for that miracle for you, can't seem to give up on that. May strength of heart and serenity of mind be yours. Amen SKC

  3. I've just read your "about me" again - seems to me that you HAVE become the person God created; the person that God delights in and loves and is nearer to than ever, ever before. As I move through my day you are in my heart and on my lips as I send out a wee prayer for you . . . for peace, for comfort, for love, for journeying . . . xxx

  4. I am so glad that you are back in your own home and that UCSF was there for you thanks be to God. I do know all about the health care in Marin all to well. You will always be in my prayers my friend. Cindy xoxo

  5. Annie and Chloe say...
    Good morning, Dear One! I am so thankful you found help at UCSF - there are many angels there walking gently as humans. And ahh, to be sitting in the sun, eating fresh faire and healthy food. We are sending you light and prayers, for healing into your new life. You ARE the flame that will always be burning brightly, in our hearts and in our lives. I thank YOU for ALL you have given us...who would have ever thought that a Craigs listing and a 'House of Babes' beginning could have become so rich a friendship! Laundry, coffee, walks, music, Scotland, raw food -- such rich memories of thankfullness. I know Shane is playing the pipes out on the moors of Boise (?!) for your healing. Much, much love, Annie, Chloe and Shane

  6. I echo SKC, and pray daily for a miracle of healing for you. I hope that you are enjoying being home, in your own bed, enjoying the rhythm of peace that only puttering about home can bring.

    Now is when we all pour our love, affection, caring and prayers into the universe for you, so fervently, so loudly, to touch even the deep heart of the Divine. Candles are lit and saints are invoked on your behalf.

    Rest and accept what healing energies you can. And, when you are able, I hope that you will share with us, as you have blessed us so often with your updates. Now is the time to say the things you want to say, ask the questions you need to ask and know you'll get answers. The universe is listening.

    My prayer for you is of peace, and joy, and healing.

    Hugs and blessings

  7. Love you Aunt Diane!
    Uncle Leif