I'm tango'ing with a conundrum. Just one for now. It's been aeons since I had the energy and life force to dash about. My aliveness is delicious and is not the trapped behind leukemia ward bars of a year ago. A year ago. So I have this blessed energy which I would dare say is not manic but - but! Dare I push it and my little hardworkin' neutrophils (who I thank regularly for being SUCH troopers) will curl up in a corner and scowl. I neither need nor desire to be ill, from a common cold to swine flu.
I get to pray for balance.
And it's ADVENT! and I have this glorious new HOME! and it's all so much FUN! and I can breathe and be reminded that the blessed Saint Julian of Norwich would say, "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well." Thank you, Susie of Rivendell, for reminding me of that.
There is plenty to be fussed about, trust me. "Just for today" I'm choosing grace and praying for the release from those gripping, icy corners of my psyche that have had big ole hangin' tendencies in the past to chew me to the bone. And since my healing is daily and on all levels, including down to my bones, I shall choose God's Grace today.
So whassup with this glorious remission, speaking of bones?
Today I feel extremely well and grateful on a mostly organic, plant-based diet, supplemented with a gaggle of supplements (nutriceuticals) chosen mostly by myself to both nuke the cancer cells AND to strengthen my immune system so that this thing doesn't come back in spades and try to eat me alive again. I exercise every day that I am able, either brisk walking or jogging while eyeing a local gym AND the purchase of a Rebounder. I pray. I meditate. I have a spiritual community that feeds my soul, from my Church to my 12-Step groups. I'm beginning to work again, shifting the emphasis from living on savings to generating some gains. Next week I meet with a holistic physician so that I am not alone in this path. Did I say juicing? Did I mention the Blessed Sacrament and singing in my Church choir?
At my Hallelujah Acres cleanse in Branson, we began our mornings with Bible Study. Me, an Episcopalian, getting to know the Bible! (This is an insider joke). And we found this passage in Proverbs 17:22: "A happy heart is a healing medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones."
Why did I get leukemia over a year ago? I don't know. However I believe that a significant contributor to my immune system malfunctions involves my heart, my emotions and my spirit. "...but a broken spirit dries up the bones." This is serious stuff. Yes, there were surely environmental toxins et al, but the life within needs my loving embrace. Not a dutiful pat, not a sideways glance, but deep care. If I truly believe that the Holy Spirit lives inside of me, in this earthly shell now invigorated, I cannot be cavalier.
Today I get to show up for this life while I wait for Mo or Izzy to snuggle up in their owl box just outside my living room window. It's cold and sunny today. It is a good day.