This unwellness has offered a grab bag of clackity bits, from fear of my blood counts sinking further, scaring the YIKES! out of me to the sometimes quirky pleasure of using my erasure in my Day Timer with barely a blip of guilt. Good things include how utterly rested I feel after a marathon 9- or 10-hour night. The flip side of that (a la angel on one shoulder and that perverse twerp on the other) includes the GUILT for such indulgent SLOTH! You don't even remember your DREAMS for goodness' sake! What good are you?
Oh shut up already.
The dermo dance alone can take up whatever I've somehow once decided was the proper length for one post. This mystery spot plague has been maddening. Some very good news is that the culture I insisted on during our 2nd appointment finally came back negative. I do not have a staph infection praise GOD! Annoying news, however, is that the 2nd biopsy that almost caused me to faint…. which had been sent to UCSF Medical Center, where they are not known to be hacks… came back as bafflingly inconclusive as the first. The untwist the doctor talk translation seems to say that I am having an allergic reaction to something chomping on me… something spider-ish or mite-ish. For five solid weeks, all I had were mystery breakouts in various parts of my body. They still can't tell me exactly what is causing it.
This morning, however, over the course of 2 hours, I spied three teensy tiny things on my clothing. After weeks of 'WHAT IS THIS??????', I found three little creepies the size of a pin prick. Not pin head. Why I was suddenly given the gift of x-ray eyes and laser discernment, I don't know.
The minute I saw the bastard cootie, I was on the phone. Chem-Dry of Marin came over this afternoon and for to me a pittance of $90, sprayed my carpets, area rugs, couch and top of my posh patchwork quilt and foo-foo pillows for "dust mites and allergens." I'd already set off two room foggers a month ago! I've had my car scoured inside and out for $150!! If I wash my clothes any more in hot water they will disintegrate! I shower with Hibiclens antimicrobial liquid and afterwards dab on everything from antiseptic to my essential oils concoctions. (I also have some Fluocinonide - like the name? ugh! - to soothe the itchies). Since roughly December 8th, every couple of days a new handful of "bites" have broken out no matter WHAT I have done.
So I told the doctor after he cooed the inconsequential biopsy results over the phone. "I found something!"
"Well, then, they're probably not dust mites or scabies mites; the human eye can't see those. It could be any number of hundreds of mites. Because of your white cell counts, you're extremely susceptible to the kind of reaction you're having."
I'm beyond ready for them to stop. I pray that napalming my humble home will have done the trick!!!!!
Depleted from wrestling with illness and spots, I met with a new G.P. in the City yesterday, someone whom I felt could offer me more tests to get to the bottom of these challenges. And the kind doctor wanted - surprise - a blood test. I had brought December labs to let him know what he was dealing with. He wanted fresh ones. I made the merest attempt to squiggle out of it before nodding reluctantly.
There went the next 12 hours in a haze.
One of my prayers is to have that smidge of blood drawn from me and in the netherworld before The Results come back, be at peace. This is a fervent intention because the polar opposite normally happens. I become Zombie Woman. It's a miracle that I don't self-soothe with more
medicinal chocolate than I do.
Spazz attack aside, I was given a little gift in my anxiety. As the day went on and 5 o'clock passed, I realized that regardless of their promises, I wasn't gonna know 'til Tuesday as Monday is Martin Luther King Day (bless his memory). So even if the counts make me shriek….I am feeling better than I did yesterday and the day before. Even with my torment crouched with a spear, even pale and weak - I'm feeling as though I'm emerging from this neutrophil-sucking cold.
Quite a morsel of a little gift.
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