I spent the day with an old flame.
Fourteen years since we'd last met, 18 years since our romance. I was nervous, excited, anticipatory. As I prayed I thought, "Lord, when I have I been this eager to see You? To fellowship with You? Does my heart skip an extra beat or do I trod into an Office, a prayer, a sitting…. like brushing my teeth? Would I buy You soft chocolate chip cookies to go with the real caffeinated coffee I myself would not drink? Would I tidy the home of my inner reaches or simply sigh, "I'm so glad You forgive and accept me." Am I taking You for granted again, Lord?
In the flesh another layer is peeled. This layer says, "You are a failure in relationship. You never married. You are cracked, broken, and now in mid-life, not the hottest chick on the block." I brush that aside while I yeah-but my way through my admittedly full days and evenings. Yeah BUT!
I didn't leave this man eighteen years ago; he left me. I spent the better part of a day with a man with whom I once fantasized marriage. We were companionable. No lunging, mind you. We're older and well-behaved. I spent the day with an old flame and felt the quiet pleasure of being with someone with whom I get along well.
I didn't feel so broken after all. We had a lovely day. We shared stories. Hugs. Laughter, oh yes, laughter.
He lives far far away. I spent the day with an old flame while an old frame crumbled away.
God can do that.
It's interesting what time can do. If we're very lucky, it burns (or peels) away the pain and all the accumulated detritus of old loves, leaving behind what we admired in the first place. To be friends with them is truly the best of the best. Thanks for sharing this!
ReplyDeleteAnd I thought I was the only one ! Rats ! Oh well, at least you're not stuck with an old codger ! There's always tomorrow for you !
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