I wanna I wanna!
This is no bull. (Arrrrrrgh!).
My dear friends Ruth and Davy live out in the country near Rafford near Forres in Morayshire, Scotland. When you're that rural, mailing addresses include terms like "near." Honest.
Now 99.8% of the time, the local herd of cows adorn Ruthie's views from her home office. Prosaic! Godly! Wondrous!
This recent day before supper, however, things had changed. The bull and his harem managed to unhinge the gate and take a rare wander into their private and formerly manicured home haven. As I cannot recreate this scene as well as my friend Ruth, I'll quote her here, adding the question, "When was the last time you looked out of your living room window and saw......?"
And now Ruthie's version:
"All of a sudden I heard a shriek - "Holy shit, holy shit!
I ran through to the living room to find a surreal sight. Our garden was filled with a herd of cows, all disoriented and mooing for help.
"Oh my God what's happened?", I asked in vain.
There they were tramping over every square foot of the garden, no plant, shrub or bush was safe. Reminiscent of Usain Bolt, we suddenly caught sight of Robin the Farmer sprint down the path and in a flash, the mob turned around and headed for a more suitable pasture.
It transpires that the bull (yep him again) was rubbing himself against the gate in the far field, when all of a sudden it clicked open and he decided to lead his merry band to freedom.
Luckily they headed west towards the farmhouse where Bob the dog was keeping guard. "This aint right," he thought and started to howl which alerted their 7-year-old grandson Murray who was playing in the garden. "Grandad come quick!" And Grandad ran for all he was worth.
Davy in the meantime had ventured into the garden and fancying himself as a bit of a cow whisperer, thought the best course of action was to sway towards the gate shouting, "C'mon li'll doggies" several times until they realised "This guys no right, we're not doggies, let's get outta here."
Ah, the joys of living in the country! The garden's a bit worse for wear and there are a few cow pats on the grass, but these two city kids laughed all night."