Friday, April 30, 2010

God's double rainbow

My friend Tony took this shot of me skipping through a surprisingly drenching rain shower while a double rainbow arc'd at the end of the field where the sheep graze. (Yes, this could be the name of a town in Wales). It was a year ago. I wrestle to ably juxtapose a glorious double rainbow with nearly getting soaked.

As well I don't find this the most flattering shot of me, so my ego gets to squirm and step aside while I share dollops of goodness.... in fact, really awesomely cool news of YAY GOD!

Those of you praying for me while my counts sank over the months? If ever you think, "Well, this is probably useless" or wonder, "OK, God, please help Diane right now...." while you felt a bit wearied by the whole deal can just leap up and get some affirmation right here and right now. From April 5th, with the lowest of the lows white counts at zero-point-niner to April 22nd, try
this one: WBC 1.5! While I hung my head and thought, "Well, Lord, they can only go so low and then if You want me that badly, here I am," I prayed, too. I didn't do a moonlight dance or 150 affirmations a day. I didn't light candles or send money to anyone. I pondered life on life's terms and prayed. And so did you.

WBC 1.5! And those platelets? 83 to 110! And those shy little neutrophils that have been one-third of the minimum by which I was sprung from the hospital well over a year ago? 300 to 600 - they doubled!

This blood draw was for a visit with my former oncologist, Dr. Krijanovsky. I added in the fax number of a friend so that I could see the results prior to yesterday's consultation. "Is this {so-and-so} a doctor?" asked the lab tech. I paused. I'd already ruminated, "Hey. This is MY BLOOD! Don't play games with me!" After pausing, I said quietly, "Have you heard of the 5th Amendment?" She smiled. "Look. If there's any problem, call me, but please, leave the number in."

When my fax-equipped friend emailed me a PDF of the results and I opened them, I cried. He phoned me and I cried. Weeks of glum and glowering shattered. With a few lab values I could see that I was moving from possibly dying and relapsing to being SO BLESSEDLY OKAY I could almost hear Jesus say kindly, "O ye of little faith..."

Yes, it's now April 30th and I've been dancing with this for over a week. I didn't know what to say and how to say it. I still don't. And I'm saying it..... the counts moved UP. For the likes of me, this IS a MIRACLE. Today they are not what they were at the beginning of this month, in a downward trend that had been slugging on for several months.

God is in the midst of this. He will be in the midst of me when I die, as someday I shall. However it's thinking that the grim reaper is right around the corner looking at his watch that takes the wind out of my sails. And you bet your sweet bippy that this consciousness shift finds me in greater gratitude AND happiness!

Is it that vitamin IV infusion? Those Chinese herbal pills? Twenty minutes on the Rebounder? Raiding all raw organic at Whole Foods? The Presence of Christ IN the Eucharist? I'll make myself rabbit foot insane for trying to unwrap this to that degree. But Present He is. I pray that as long as I am alive, one day at a time, God shows me what He has for me to do in service.

I'll close with sharing that yesterday I had a positively lovely visit with my former oncologist, Dr. K. The possibility of a bone marrow biopsy didn't even come up. "I'll tell you why I made this appointment," I said to him. "I wanted to say hi." And it wasn't the nya-nya-nya that might've slithered in the door even a few months ago. It was a warm-hearted hello that began and ended with a hug and was a truly fun visit. I was able to be re-reminded that he was and is more than a 'part of the system' with which I have profound disagreements; he is a caring, conventional physician who had worried about me when I took off on my healing journey and was thrilled to see that after only one Induction and one Consolidation, I was well. Very well. Sixteen months after being sprung from the leukemia ward, with no further allopathic treatments, I was sitting in his office and laughing.

Julian of Norwich might be pleased, too. "…All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well..."


  1. Way to go , girl !
    Lots of love
    Mike and Karen

  2. Oh, YAY!!!!!!!!!!! I read this with tears of grateful joy in my eyes and my heart so full of more gratefulness that I can hardly write. Whatever the reason for your good news, I am happy! Thank you for posting- I've been thinking of you and checking here every few days...

  3. I'm so glad for you. You can beat this!


  4. What wonderful news!!! I rejoice with you, Diane, over bigger numbers...keep 'em coming. May all your visits with oncologists remain nothing other than social calls! I thank God for your good results and happy day.

    Springtime blessings!

    Hey, I also really like the Julian of Norwich quote as well. Indeed, all manner of things shall be well!

    (I've been reading a blog written by an elderly Episcopal nun at a Julian of Norwich Monastery in Wisconsin)'s the link -

  5. Isn't it great when you finally get a GOOD test back?
    So glad to meet you on Raw Fu and I love your blog!