Thursday, February 11, 2010

Jesus and Rorschach in the same candle

I'll address this image momentarily, but my first question is: What costs $726.50 and involves a 2-hour drive, 5-hour visit including a one-hour 'lunch' break, two needle punctures (oww-oww), continued wisdom unveiling and an IV solution involving but not limited to 80 grams of Vitamin C? Answer: My first consult with a new healing practitioner.

A note for the needle phobic, which is what I am normally: For a $195.00 IV infusion of something called "Immune Drip," I left feeling.... what? Guess. Even a $100 massage is a quick trip to ahhhhh-land. How'd I feel? Spaced. Where's that credit card of mine? (Parenthetical aside to non-12 Step friends - this is classic alcoholic thinking, e.g. I bellied up to the bar, where are my ya-ya's?). When Dan Dunphy, the rather amazing practitioner over at the San Francisco Preventive Medical Group, asked how I felt afterwards and I responded with that exact word (spaced), he quipped, "Yep. That's normal." I spent less than that on an exquisite lymph drainage massage and oxygen sauna in a Sedona, Arizona spa and felt oooo-la-lah. But hey. The cold/flu is sticking, my white blood count has dropped lately and I will do what I feel is necessary and helpful to move past this current illness and the big ole hangin' underlying one that breathes fire on my battered but healing immune system.

What about the other people I've been working with since arriving back here in Northern California? Well, stepping away from conventional "slash, poison & burn" protocols doesn't necessarily allow me to have one-stop shopping. I would rather put my quarter in the cosmic gumball machine and get the one magic nummy that'll have me up 'n fixed in short order. I don't always get to skip along the shortest line between two spots. And.... no one's been ditched. However when Dr. Haas' office got a copy of my Feb. 5th CBC, the 1.5 WBC of a month prior has slipped to 1.2 and I got a phone call. It was nurse Judy. I assured her that while I was concerned, my lackadaisical response to "the numbers" in general wasn't denial - it just meant that I was used to dealing with them at these levels. "I think you should call Dan Dunphy...." she said. I commented about my work with the Pine Street Clinic and she said, "One doesn't replace the other. You can do both." So off I went, still hacking away from the cold/flu that arrived a week ago.

I have had IV vitamins before. Notes for the wary: Get GOOD phlebotomists. The gent here was stellar. And I would far rather sit in an Infusion Clinic where folks are chatting amiably while they get their high-dose Vitamin C's et al than in one with the rat poison Round-Up on the lunch menu.

Chemo DID do a good job for me in October and December of 2008: It killed those cancer cells. The problem is that those docs wanted to continue nailing me with that, and my inner wisdom said, "There's something wrong with this picture." Great! I'm in Remission! Thank you! "But we want to KEEP you in remission and this is how we do it...."

No thanks.

So I got my IV cocktail today and trotted off with one more take-home supplement plus information on another to consider. The Marrow Plus (Ji Zue Teng) by Health Concerns addresses what it sounds like - my suppressed bone marrow. Even though I DO praise my neutrophils out loud for working SO hard, I'll happily accept help today that doesn't annihilate them in the process. The other tonic is called Pro-Boost and "...benefits the immune system by increasing white blood cell counts {and} increasing T-cell and B-cell levels which are critical in helping your immune system respond quickly and aggressively in the battle against infection and disease...." When you consider that the only avenue I had in the hospital for boosting my chemo-depleted white counts was a daily $800 shot called Neupogen, which DID boost the whites and then stopped doing that the minute you removed its artificial jabs, I think I can pop for a $45 box of Pro-Boost.

We looked at my teeth, which are a minefield of mercury. This healing work is not for the faint of heart or bank account! We spoke of ways to detoxify the body, which I'm currently researching even from the healthier base of a vegan diet that is highly raw and organic. We spoke of life traumas. We spoke of humor and light-heartedness. It was a good visit. I have a great team and a deep desire to make so much money from now on that my mild blanches for handing over a credit card become mere chortles.

I'll extend my vulnerability a bit by closing in sharing about the candle. I meditate and pray in my Chapel Office, which has been created as such only in the past week. Once during Centering Prayer I became annoyed (as I do, alas) to see a smudge by Jesus' head. Thinking that once my quiet time was over, I would get rid of that darn smudge, by gum!, I then looked more closely and saw - again, this is my filter - a silhouette figure of a young girl. For anyone born in the 1950's, having silhouettes of kids was common. And with Rorschach and perhaps even The Holy Spirit smirking, I saw little Diane close to Jesus.... before I even knew His Name. My childhood was difficult at times, and in my adult healing work, mostly of a psychotherapeutic ilk, I have attempted to reclaim and re-calm little Diane. However this is the first time I pondered that I wasn't abandoned by Christ then, no matter how difficult things were. (Life on earth is hard, face it). He knew I was there and He waited, never all that far away. And so did I. That took another chink out of my dualistic thinking.

It's amazing what $2.99 at Walgreens can give you, if you look closely enough. Imagination can be a gift.


  1. Hi's so moving to read about your journey. Hope the new treatment helps and you're feeling better very soon! Plus, thanks for visiting my blog...I'm enjoying being able to share my work. xoxo

  2. Anything that reminds us of our connection, or rather, our lack of separation from the Divine is worthy of gratefulness. Even a girl-shaped smudge. (((hugs)))